Several American television shows and movies show scenes where teenage boys are desperate to get a job and a car solely for the purpose of landing a chik... Where has this mindset gone??
It seems as if the simple kind gestures of men are no where to be found!
When I meet a guy and I begin to get to know him naturally I am expecting a date to be produced in the initial conversation. If I don't even get to that point then that's a clear sign already. However, if a conversation of getting together does occur it can get quite complicated. I will attempt to make this very clear but this is a layered issue....
Who pays? Does who pays determines who drives? At what point do you draw the line for meeting someone half way (and I mean literal and figurative)?
I've met guys who say if I drive, they'll pay. I've met guys who don't want to go out at all because either they don't have a car or they don't have money. I've met guys who literally want to meet there and we each pay our own way. Well to me that's just like goin out with one of my homegirls.
Is it wrong for me to believe that if you don't have a car or money, you don't need to be dating? And when I say don't have money I'm not referring to just loads to blow. I'm talking basic needs.
I take a lot of pride in the fact that I am not the type of woman who requires her man to pay for things. I don't need you to get my nails done or pay my bills or pay my car note. Random acts of kindness are always appreciated but I can take care of myself. And if I can't then it's my own responsibility to handle, not yours. There are so may women out there who make me look bad because they have these ridiculous standards for men. I can't pay no man's bills so I definitely don't need him to pay mine... I digress...
I think that if I am talking to someone and getting to know him he should suggest a date. Now I know there are concerns with riding in a car with a guy you just met, etc. Yet, even with those concerns the offer should still be made to be picked up. I cannot tell you how infuriating it is to meet a guy and the first thing out of his mouth is asking me to come over.... NO!!!! #fail #gameover SMH!
On that same note, I don't want to go and pick him up either.
I understand times are rough and we are in a recession, well technically the recession is over according to USA Today, but yeah you get my point... But I think it's time for men to get creative. Just because you are broke and or cheap does not mean that the only options are chillin at the house. Furthermore, if your finances are that tight perhaps this is not the time for you to be dating... Seriously!
But at the same time I understand not wanting to splurge on a chik you barely know... hello? That's why there are places like Starbucks and Jamba Juice. You can purchase 2 of anything from either place for less than $10!
I've paid for several dates... due in part to the awkwardness when the bill comes or the fact that the idiot will say something like "You planned this" or "I'll get it next time"... keep in mind if he says that clearly there is no next time.
A girl told me recently that with my personality, looks, and intelligence I shouldn't be paying for anything. I didn't take that as a compliment though. It is women like her that has guys wanting to go half on every darn thing. I think guys are afraid of being used by women and that just ruins it for me because all I want is dinner and shoes and make-up :)
Maybe I am a bit old fashion. I think men should pay. And that is what my parents taught me (although they also told me to never go on a date without a credit card- enough to pay for my food and a cab ride). But, I also think women can pay sometimes as well. I'm definitely not out there planning a bunch of dates and activities and expecting him to pick up every tab. I find it extremely foolish and unfair to place expectations on a guy that I cannot meet myself.
And beyond any rules I make, each relationship is different. There are some men who insist on paying for everything every time. It may be the way they were raised or because they genuinely don't mind. But for most people I know, especially in my age group, no one has it like that (yet).
In my experience, men get real comfortable when the woman starts to pay, so be careful. Next thing you know you are paying for everything including rent... ooops I digressed again!
I think its healthy, once the relationship becomes consistent and there's a pattern of going out for the individuals to discuss what works best for them. Avoid going tick for tack and saying dumb stuff like "It's your turn". If you know this is a person you're going to be around for a while then who really cares who pays for what which time. Chances are you'll see him or her again in a couple days and they'll be picking up the tab.
What's the moral of the story ladies? Always ask the Big 5!
1. Do you have a car?
2. Do you have job?
3. How long have you been at your job?
5. What's your highest level of education? (although a must for me, this is optional)
In the end find what works best for you. I'm not a major fan of going Dutch. I think you put your money into things or in this case people you like and care about. And if I like someone and I care about them, I don't mind paying; and that is all I expect back in return.
"You may not believe K.B. Knows Best, but give me some time and I'm sure I'll past the test."
P.S. Vocab word that best fits this post: reciprocity.
