So I was in the jacuzzi having girl talk with my little sister Franki and I was telling her things that irritate me about guys.... She started laughing at me. Like for real- Laughing Out Loud! We then proceeded to have a conversation about how I have control issues. Now, I like to consider myself someone who enjoys order and structure. I am at my best when everything is in organized and makes sense. I am no different in my dating life.
If in a serious relationship, I like for my man to lead the relationship and make decisions in the best interest of both he and I. However, in order for me to be in that place, I have to fully trust the guy. This I realized tonight. I never equated my not wanting a guy to take control in the relationship with my not trusting him. And on top of all that, I'm easily irritated.
In a perfect world, my man would know me so well. He would know that I hate being late, and I hate when there aren't diner reservations made, and that I can't stand when things aren't thought completely through. Franki thinks I'm crazy that I would fight over dinner reservations... and she's right. That is really small and I need to learn to pick my fights.
But how do you think I feel??? I really want to be the submissive, quiet, meek girl in the relationship but I often find myself thinking that I can do a better job than him. I feel like I know what's best for us... I feel crazy even now saying this out loud. I think that I've been single for so long that I struggle to find the balance between being a strong woman and not feeling like me being quiet is weakness.
If I can't trust that the person I am talking to will make the best decisions for our relationship- from dinner reservations to our future plans- then I don't need to talk to him. So it's a combination of me letting go and letting the man be the man AND me working on my trust issues with men. My current motto of Play the guy before I get played is no longer acceptable.
It's time for me to grow up and act my age in all areas of my life. I asked Franki to give me a few days to get this out of my system... I just can't un-become a control freak over night! So, starting Monday I am going to be so relaxed and calm in my relationship. If something doesn't go my way I will not freak out. If I think my idea is better I won't just blurt it out. I'm going to wait and say, "No babe, let's try it your way." And if he's wrong, I'm not going to say "See! Told ya so" Nope, I'm gona be like babe that was a good idea, but I have a suggestion.
In the end, I realize no guy likes a woman who thinks she know's it all. That's just annoying. I know I'm smart and I can just be confident in that. I feel like this would be good practice for me anyway. One day I will get married and God's Word calls for the wife to be submissive. I definitely do not want to be the wife that does not allow the man to lead us in a healthy and productive manner.
